Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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