Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
