I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
