OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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