yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
