Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
