Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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