2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
