I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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