**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize