Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
