you traded sex for a burrito?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
