break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
