Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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