My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
