I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
