cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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