I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize