the condom got lost in my hair
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
