i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
