I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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