I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
