Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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