please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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