as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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