Screwed.edu
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
