I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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