I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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