You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
