We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
