it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize