I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
