I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
