Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
