god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
