I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
