So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
