it wasn't lemon gatorade
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just googled if crying burns calories
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
