I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
