I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
