I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
