Your mouth is God's brothel.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
