I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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