so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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