Ambien. No doubt about it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
