her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
