He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
