are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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