one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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