He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
