What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I party with great urgency now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
