im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
