Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
