so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
