Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
