Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
