I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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