If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
