did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
