Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
