Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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