Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
