I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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