I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
