me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
