would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
