Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
