even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
