I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
