I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
