im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
