So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Send help, water and tortillas.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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