Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize