This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
