onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
