Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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