420 ftw
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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