just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
