I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
