does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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