i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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