my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
