I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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