i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
