didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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