It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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