On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
